Welcome to Singapore!
Although we haven't actually reached Singapore yet, there is quite a lot of 'buzz' around the ship. This will be our second 'liberty call' during the deployment, and possibly the last stop before conducting operations in Iraq.
Singapore is a beautiful city. We visited it during last deployment and I had a great time. Singapore, however, carries very strict laws for "routine" crimes and even some menial violations. For example, it is illegal to chew gum. It is also illegal to "outrage the modesty of women" (i.e. make inappropriate gestures or eye contact). Drug violaters are often sentenced to death. Many common crimes carry tag-on sentences of caning (see Michael P. Fay).
In light of this severe stance on crime, an article was published in one of the ship's mock newspapers. It is as follows:
"Hello and welcome to beautiful Singapore! We hope you enjoy your stay. Singapore is a beautiful island full of culture, beauty, and wonder like you have never experienced. You can experience bustling city life, laid back beach life, a wild wilderness and a rolling farmland all in the same day! Enjoy our fine cuisine in our many world renowned restaurants. The restaurants range from fancy and high class to laid back and low key, each offering friendly service and delicious menus. (We only ask that you do not spill any food on the floor, if your are found spilling food on the floor, we will fine you $2000 and you and your family will be thrown into the streets through the front window.)
Aside from the delicious dining, you can experience the old time fishing culture by taking a stroll on our many beaches. There you will see a bustling fishin industry that has been honed to perfection through the generations. (We only ask that you do not try to steal any of the fish, if you steal a fish, you will be set on fire and thrown from a moving car.)
You can then head out for a brisk hike in the mountains. The air is fresh and the wildlife nearly untouched by modern society. (we ask that if you do go hiking in our pristine forests, please leave only your footprints. If you leave more than your footprints you will be covered in honey and thrown into the bear pit at the zoo armed with nothing except your own tears.)
Singapore is also known for its swingin nightlife. we have discos, pubs, clubs and bars to fit every taste. If your are going to drink, please recycle your cans or bottles afterwards. (if you are caught mixing recyclable items then you will be properly punished and a local high school baseball team will hold batting preactive with your face as a target.)
There are many tourist attractions you simply cannot miss. An ancient temple where wild monkeys live has proved to be a Singapore favorite. A world class water park is also a big hit with travelers. (We only ask that you do not butt in line when getting on the water slides. If you butt in line you and your family will be thrown in jail for life and all your worldly possessions will be sold and the proceeds will go to support televising spelling bees.) The city is the cleanest in the world. Take a stroll and enjoy our local shopping. We have many brand name designers as well as many local treasures that your are sure to enjoy. (please do not take more than 3 items at a time into the fitting room. If you do you will find that the fitting room floor will open beneath you sending you into a cave full of your own nightmares.)
When you are done shopping you can relax in one of our many very comfotable hotels. We offer a hotel for every taste and you will feel right at home with our hospitality. (We only ask that you do not steal any of the towels. If your are caught stealing a towl you will be stripped naked and shot out of a cannon into a cactus feild.)
All in all we Singaporeans live a laid back lifestyle and are very tolerant of the behaviours of others. We would suggest though that you do not chew gum, spit, skip, litter, sing any song we find annoying, eat in public, make eye contact with anyone, or forget to flush a public toilet. We regret to say that all of these offenses are taking seriously can can result in serious punishment, fines, or even death. ENJOY YOUR STAY IN SINGAPORE!"
And there you have it. If you're bored, shoot me an email at hurtaj@bonhomme-richard.usmc.mil
Singapore is a beautiful city. We visited it during last deployment and I had a great time. Singapore, however, carries very strict laws for "routine" crimes and even some menial violations. For example, it is illegal to chew gum. It is also illegal to "outrage the modesty of women" (i.e. make inappropriate gestures or eye contact). Drug violaters are often sentenced to death. Many common crimes carry tag-on sentences of caning (see Michael P. Fay).
In light of this severe stance on crime, an article was published in one of the ship's mock newspapers. It is as follows:
"Hello and welcome to beautiful Singapore! We hope you enjoy your stay. Singapore is a beautiful island full of culture, beauty, and wonder like you have never experienced. You can experience bustling city life, laid back beach life, a wild wilderness and a rolling farmland all in the same day! Enjoy our fine cuisine in our many world renowned restaurants. The restaurants range from fancy and high class to laid back and low key, each offering friendly service and delicious menus. (We only ask that you do not spill any food on the floor, if your are found spilling food on the floor, we will fine you $2000 and you and your family will be thrown into the streets through the front window.)
Aside from the delicious dining, you can experience the old time fishing culture by taking a stroll on our many beaches. There you will see a bustling fishin industry that has been honed to perfection through the generations. (We only ask that you do not try to steal any of the fish, if you steal a fish, you will be set on fire and thrown from a moving car.)
You can then head out for a brisk hike in the mountains. The air is fresh and the wildlife nearly untouched by modern society. (we ask that if you do go hiking in our pristine forests, please leave only your footprints. If you leave more than your footprints you will be covered in honey and thrown into the bear pit at the zoo armed with nothing except your own tears.)
Singapore is also known for its swingin nightlife. we have discos, pubs, clubs and bars to fit every taste. If your are going to drink, please recycle your cans or bottles afterwards. (if you are caught mixing recyclable items then you will be properly punished and a local high school baseball team will hold batting preactive with your face as a target.)
There are many tourist attractions you simply cannot miss. An ancient temple where wild monkeys live has proved to be a Singapore favorite. A world class water park is also a big hit with travelers. (We only ask that you do not butt in line when getting on the water slides. If you butt in line you and your family will be thrown in jail for life and all your worldly possessions will be sold and the proceeds will go to support televising spelling bees.) The city is the cleanest in the world. Take a stroll and enjoy our local shopping. We have many brand name designers as well as many local treasures that your are sure to enjoy. (please do not take more than 3 items at a time into the fitting room. If you do you will find that the fitting room floor will open beneath you sending you into a cave full of your own nightmares.)
When you are done shopping you can relax in one of our many very comfotable hotels. We offer a hotel for every taste and you will feel right at home with our hospitality. (We only ask that you do not steal any of the towels. If your are caught stealing a towl you will be stripped naked and shot out of a cannon into a cactus feild.)
All in all we Singaporeans live a laid back lifestyle and are very tolerant of the behaviours of others. We would suggest though that you do not chew gum, spit, skip, litter, sing any song we find annoying, eat in public, make eye contact with anyone, or forget to flush a public toilet. We regret to say that all of these offenses are taking seriously can can result in serious punishment, fines, or even death. ENJOY YOUR STAY IN SINGAPORE!"
And there you have it. If you're bored, shoot me an email at hurtaj@bonhomme-richard.usmc.mil
posted by Andromedi at 2:41 PM
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